Merry Fishmas

Today was my nephew Davin`s first Fishmas (FYI, this blog is being written on a computer, or ordinateur, belonging to a Quebecoise - and I don`t know how to make the apostrophies angle the way I want them to, so if anyone has a problem with this they should stop reading now). I have to call it Fishmas because of the extreme amount of seafood I have consumed over the last 24 hours. For dinner this evening I made a sandwich with tomato and homemade fishsticks. For lunch I had saba noodles with salmon sashimi. Last night we gorged ourselves at a fancy-shmancy hotel`s asian buffet complete with crabs, oysters on the half shell, sushi, smoked salmon, and prawn curries (one of which was described on the comment card as tasting like an outhouse smells). But, by the same logic, this holiday could just as easily be called Ginmas, Beermas, or Redwinemas as the booze has been flowing, but Fishmas has a better ring to it...

Alice`s last blog descibed the hardship we endured at the Puncak mansion. Once we returned to Jakarta we needed some downtime so we ordered in Indian food and watched House on DVD. I was really hoping that House and Dr. Cameron would do the nasty but House`s damned ex-girlfriend had to show up with her dying husband and mess up House`s head and in so doing ruined whatever him and Cameron had going on. Boo.

The other day was pretty busy. We walked to the Grand Indonesian, an 8 story tall shopping mall, in search of new running shoes to replace the shoes that were in my bag that was eaten by Indian airports. After scouting out some footwear Alice and I met my family at the cinema and watched the movie `Devil` - bad... Not the worst. The seats were really comfortble at least. There was a preview for a new Val Kilmer movie called `The Traveler`that was cool not because the movie looked good but because of how bad Val Kilmer looks. Oh how the Iceman has fallen.

After the movie Alice, Claire, her man-friend Lucas and I thought it best to take a taxi the 2kms to Adrian`s apartment because we were short on time before our ultimate frisbee match (it took me a long time to pick out a pair of shoes). We should have just walked because the taxi took 30 minutes to get there - the traffic in Jakarta needs Dr. House to come and do some diagnostic medicine to find out why the hell the it only moves 2 meters every 6 seconds.

Frisbee was pretty fun. We got there by motorcycle, ran around for a few hours, and then took motorbikes back. Claire`s man-friend Lucas kept diving on the astroturf and by the end looked like he needed a skin graff from Dr. House. Alice and I ran into each other during frisbee and she had to take a time out. She said, ``If I would have closed my eyes I would have blacked out.`` I think she was faking it and was just trying to make me look like a bad human. I wish Dr. House would have been there to tell the world she is a liar. I mean all patients lies. And Fishmas is a time for families, and you can`t spell families without the word lies. We are heading to frisbee again tomorrow. I hope Alice learns not to be such a faker by then.

Alice is no longer Alice Muirhead. She is Alice Walraven. Sorry Muirheads. But through some Fishmas miracle she has transitioned perfectly into our family shananigans. I`ll let her tell you about the mystery of the Muff Wipes...


So I`m standing in the room I`m sharing with Dave, putting my stuff away to avoid having Dave yell, `Muirhead!!! move your shit!!!` when I hear Adrian in the living room saying `whose muff wipe is this? Does anyone know who put this here?` I think... maybe I misheard.... then I hear `Seriously, who put this here, Claire, are you missing a muff wipe? Katherine, is this yours? MOM this is yours isn`t it?`

This went on for some time, everyone denying that they had anything to do with the Muff Wipe, with most of the blame resting on poor Gail (who very patiently bears all the jokes her children make about her), before we decided it had probably been left by someone visiting the apartment earlier in the week. Since it first appeared, the Muff Wipe has been the subject of countless jokes and often appears in my bed, on the dinning room table, on the balcony seats, or on the coffee table, with whoever finds it exclaiming `whose damn Muff Wipe is this???`

The Muff Wipe is only the tip of the Walraven iceburg of dirty jokes. The Walravens are perverts but I`m having a great time!

Merry Fishmas everyone.